Britain was willing to go to war over it IOTL. You may think it "lame", but the world's foremost maritime and trading power took the freedom of the seas pretty seriously. Not to mention, this was a period when prestige was considered very important in international relations. For Britain to meekly do nothing when the US illegally impounded one of its vessels would entail a major loss of face, and encourage other powers to try and push Britain around.
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"Lame" as in it is not a powerful enough excuse to go to total war with a major trading partner and risk so much when there are other ways. The British threatened war and they had some support but that would most likely end if there was total war. The most likely British response is that they don't recognize the US blockade around some Southern ports and tell Lincoln they will resume trade out of, I don't know... Charleston, Savannah, and Wilmington, and dare Lincoln to order the US Navy to intercept. That is a strong enough message without war.
But if there must be war...
The rest of Europe took Britain's side in the Trent debate (even Russia, which was quite friendly with the US), so apparently they thought they'd be able to get by without American grain. Not to mention, Britain and France had recently fought a big war against a major grain-producing nation (Russia) without any food problems. King Grain isn't going to save the Union any more than King Cotton saved the Confederacy.
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Taking their side =/= supporting an actual war.
And do you think Prussia and Napoleon are going to let the opportunity Britain is in a total war with the US just sit by?
Or are British concerns handwaved away like you did throughout your post as of no consequence?
You continually dismiss issues that would effect Britain... like I said, give one side hypercompetence while denying the same to the other. You habitual ignore any geopolitical concern of Britain or one that will come up, as if making by authorial fiat that everyone will just sit twiddling their thumbs on the sideline as Britain goes to total war and no other ascendant power takes advantage of it.
Britain imported 1/4 of its wheat crops during this time period and the US provided 40% of that. Have fun with your bread riots... or does that not effect Britain because magic reasons?
See above point re: the rest of Europe taking Britain's side.
Much less than the economic impact of the US merchant marine getting either sunk or bottled up in port.
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Magic! That's the answer! The 19 million person market in the US, the grain imports, and everything else... oh no, it won't hurt Britain one bit! Not at all!
Much less than the economic impact when the US is put under blockade by Britain.
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Magic! No one in the world takes advantage of how the British Royal Navy must use its expensive ocean going fleet to blockade thousands of miles of coasts! And by Magic! the Union will never build any ships to contest that blockade!
And Magic! there will be NO! US commerce raiding because by MAGIC! it will be "much less" than the economic impact the US suffers for a war.
Was there any threat of a new rebellion in India? From what I've read the mutinying sepoys were pretty comprehensively crushed, so I doubt anyone will be eager for an Indian Mutiny: Pt. 2.
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Butterflies here. If somehow Trent escalates to total war! then why not a rebellion being possible?
It would take a lot of planning and time for the US to move large forces to its northern border, given that it's already very heavily engaged in the south, so it's quite possible that Britain can get reinforcements to Lower Canada before the US is ready to invade. Even if the US manages to launch its invasion first, there's nothing to stop the British winning back any occupied territories at the negotiating table later on.
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The British had 18,000 troops in Canada by the end of the year and Britain anticipated an invasion of 50,000 to 100,000... so even the British were not really taking a rosey view of things. British generals sent to inspect Canadian forts found them in serious case of decay and the untrained militia (basically just all men above 16 I think) were... untrained and not ready one bit. The Brits estimated 100,000 men just to
defend Canada, let alone attack the US over land.
Wondering where Britain gets that army?
It wouldn't be a war to preserve slavery, but a war to preserve Britain's ability to trade freely -- which, as already mentioned, was something Britons of all classes cared about quite a lot.
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Magic! Magic everywhere! Because of course the US is the moron here and Britain hypercompetent and the US will not engage in any diplomatic PR campaign like it did in real life to win the moral argument (against the Confederacy) against Britain by saying Britain is fighting to help the CSA preserve slavery and grossly overreacted to the US arresting two traitors.
Remember, the US threatened war on any nation that DID recognize the Confederacy... guess how many did?
Actually the US' official position was that the war was being fought to preserve the Union, not to abolish slavery. Even if Lincoln does issue an Emancipation Proclamation or similar, I expect the British reaction will be along the lines of "Great, but just because you want to abolish slavery doesn't give you licence to flagrantly violate international law."
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I know what the official position is. This is a PR battle, one the British will lose, one the US can easily fight in Europe which has like not really any support for slavery. We're talking, I guess, after the Trent Affair where this PR battle would be waged. Britain is not going to have support here and other nations, assuming total war, will take full advantage.
As mentioned above, to preserve Britain's ability to trade freely without having her ships illegally seized. Depending on how big a threat Britain expects the US to be in future, they might also try and weaken it by, e.g., supporting Confederate independence, or try and annexe some lands along the border to make Canada more defensible.
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Like I said, a war of national survival. That is far different than just a civil war. Your flippant dismissal of that... when you go from civil war to having the world's premier empire invade you... your politics change, the citizenry will adopt new views, they will become intensely patriotic, maybe nationalistic. The people alive in 1812 will see this as Round 3, once again the Britain coming to destroy American liberty and freedom.
Who will have the support of its citizens more for a long total war? Britain who is fighting based on legal theory of free trade or America who now sees its very existence threatened? There is one right answer but I feel to be contrary you won't chose it.
Having a third of the country secede is a much bigger threat to the US' survival than maybe losing a few border territories to British North America.
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The US losing territory is going to be a major issue for the US.
I would say the British are in a bigger peril of losing territory. British Columbia has 50,000 people around this time (and actually lost population in the 1860s-1870s)... Oregon + what will be Washington has around 70,000... California has 370,000 people at this time. Britain is not taking any west coast American territory and I would bet they will lose portions of BC. And most likely portions along the vast border and western Great Lakes at a minimum. Canada does not have the population and Britain does not have the troops in Canada to stop even small, local invasions. I'd also foresee small citizen militias going back and forth from each side attacking any nearby towns.
The Union had over twice the population of the Confederacy (and around four times the free population) and about ten times the industry. That it nevertheless took them over four years to win frankly doesn't speak very well of the Union's war-making ability.
Their war making was fine. But are we going to make it so the Union just does "the same damn thing" while the CSA and Britain get wanked or are we going to assume the US will change its strategy?
The Union could have most likely ended the war earlier if the Penninsula Campaign had succeeded with a more aggressive general. And before that both sides were expecting the war to not last long, remember the 3 month enlistments? They thought Bull Run would be the battle, one side would win, then it'd be over soon after... which was clearly wrong.
The biggest issue for the US is saltpepper, which the British have a lot of. So that could be an issue, though the US might have to find some other source ASAP.
I can only speak for myself, but I am not assuming one nation is of morons and the other is of hyper-competent geniuses. But this scenario doesn't have the US industrially stronger than Britain, and "militarily stronger" depends on the US during the war (like how it massively expanded the army and navy during the ACW) facing a Britain with little to no interest in building up large scale forces - just somehow leaving Canada nearly to its own devices.
In the end my point here is that it is very much not "no debate" that Britain would lose Canada here - the US is strong enough to be a tough fight, not strong enough to have things all its own way.
An invasion of Canada (if it occurs) is a no debate US victory because the British simply do not have the forces necessary to defend it. The forts in Canada are decaying and utterly worthless. The militia is nonexistent and not trained. The vast territory of Canada cannot be adequately defended. The US rail network is far superior to Canada's... who won't even have a transcontinental rail road for 29 more years (granted the US does not in 1861 either).
Also... remember.. Canada was the end point for the Underground Railroad, tens of thousands of Canadians fought for the Union, and slavery was deeply unpopular. So Britain forces Canada to fight for slavery... not going to go over all that well. If the US plays this as a defensive invasion they could perhaps limit popular Canadian support for Britain.
(And yes I know this is before Canada existed as one nation, I'm not typing out all the provinces)
And then lets consider that Canada, which benefited economically, now has to support a British invasion force and a possible huge ass US invasion force...
So maybe Canada wont even get invaded if they just declare independence rather than fight Britain's War.
The CSA was hamstrung the entire war by an inability to get resources. And yet still it held out for most of the war. It was a war of attrition, which the North won by being able to remain viable the longest. At the beginning of the '84 presidential campaign, Lincoln's re-election was in doubt, with a good possibility of a peace candidate willing to accept the secession being elected. Absolutely, the CSA was ravaged by the end of the war, OTL. It is going to be in tatters at the end of my alt war. But, the war was in balance for much/most of the war. Odds were with the North because they had the naval, and industrial, edge. They were likely to win the war of attrition. All that is thrown out the window IF Britain gets involved. Maybe the rump USA can win a two front war, defeat the South, and take parts of Canada. You seem to have the view that USA is destined to win any war, that after 1812, it is destined to grow to OTL size/status. I absolutely agree that given OTL conditions, this is the best choice to bet on. But, IF, for some reason, Britain joins the CSA when the war still hung in the balance, I'm pulling my chips off the USA and betting against them. You want me to be fair, I ask the same of you. One simply cannot deny that the Civil War was hanging in the balance for quite a while. Adding a major power to one side, or the other, will determine the outcome. The OP asks for a successful invasion, and maybe that won't happen, but the North will lose. Or, at least has a very good chance of losing. You want to bet on the North/USA to win against the South joined with Britain. I'm betting the other way.
Most of your points hold validity IF the south is not in the picture. But the North can't bleed off resources to invade Canada, when the South is penetrating into Pennsylvania. It'll be bad enough to bleed resources to defend against an invasion from Canada. Going on the offensive, and encouraging Britain to send land troops will be even worse. The tables will be turned. OTL, the South had to win before attrition set in. Here, the North has to win before the South and Britain can coordinate a victory.
It wasn't a balance for much of the war. The North was winning. The South is massive and the South should have surrendered at various points (especially after Gettysburg and debatable after Shiloh) but it did not. Once the Union controlled the Mississippi in the few months after Shiloh it was over. That was 1862 (granted Vicksburg solidified the hold on the Mississippi in 1863). That the South did not surrender is more an indictment of the utter greed, depravity, and ruthlessness of its leaders... they continued an unwinnable war (Davis even viewed it as unwinnable in the months after Shiloh) because their way of life- owning slaves, raping slaves, murdering children- was under threat... and (in southern accent) I say, I say, they could not have that, no sir, not tat taaaall.
There are factors where the British coming in (like with saltpepper and gunpowder) can really fuck the US over if not alternative is found, if the US can't compensate in some capacity. l don't deny Britain coming in will make US naval efforts almost impossible. But victory on the MIssissippi (as heavy ironclads come in) will clinch the victory.
The British can fuck around with the US economy but they cannot win on land. The Confederacy could not win on land. And Britain relies on 1/4 of its grain to be imported so it is NOT going to be exporting grain to the Confederacy, which was suffering food riots and its army was facing serious desertion issues as the war went into 1864/1865.
Cotton was also coming from other places in the empire, so are the British going to just give free money to CSA cotton producers and just crash their own cotton industry in Britain? No... once Britain decides to just import its own cotton and not buy Confederate cotton you're kind of in the same boat regarding the CSA economy. Britain could extend them loans... but that will depend on how the war is going. Mississippi River lost... no loans.
This also depends on ALL of Britain's enemies not taking advantage of the massive resource sink this war will be and starting shit in places Britain finds much more important than a civil war in America.
It's not a fair proposition to make Britain throw all its economic concerns out the window... throw the massive cost of this war out the window... throw all its political concerns out the window... and assume no ascendant power will take advantage of this situation but somehow the USA gets nothing in exchange for all these freebies Britain and the CSA are getting here.
I think British intervention will prolong the war... unless Britain decides it isn't worth it.
And let's not forget that when the CSA massacres black troops that have surrendered (assuming Fort Pillow happens) that will be a nightmare for the British PM to somehow sell to the British public. Once the US propaganda machine gets going in Europe it will be an utter nightmare for Britain. And all the US-sympathetic MPs are going to demand why Britain is fighting alongside a nation murdering troops who have surrendered... a big no-no.
As an aside....
I wrote a time line where the British DO intervene after the Trent Affair and a few other incidents which lead to war... essentially the British just break the blockade of the south and engage in very limited land actions. Neither Britain nor the US do anything with Canada because neither side wants to escalate it that much...
The British provide weapons and ships, essentially... But the Confederates- as is their nature to be brutal monsters- still massacre black troops who have surrendered, and Palmerston tells the Confederates Britain will withdraw support by the new year (1864) so the CSA does a big ole Hail Mary play doing an attack up the Eastern Shore into Delaware (due to British naval assets) and an attack on DC but get bogged down in Maryland.... Lincoln also gets assassinated while visiting a military hospital and the vice president is just exhausted from the war so does a ceasefire and truce.
Realistic? Maybe... most likely not.
But I really don't see a total war from Britain because they have too many other things to worry about.
The time line was the backstory to my America-Pacific War I posted in the post-1900 forum.